How to properly remember the dead: folk traditions and the opinion of priests. The magic of the Maslenitsa holiday: rites and rituals Is it possible to remember on Maslenitsa

Number of entries: 276

Father, the day after the funeral, relatives go to the grave and bring “food” to the deceased. Where did this come from? And is this true?

Valentina

Valentina, according to church regulations, we commemorate the dead on days 3, 9 and 40. When we go to a grave, we need to pray and serve a memorial service. Why does a dead person need food? We, the living, need food, but they only need a prayer for the repose of her soul. It is, of course, wrong to take food to the grave of a deceased person. This is a pagan tradition. It especially began to spread after the revolution, when it was forbidden to talk about God, to be baptized, to pray and to serve requiem services at the grave. People began to bring food to the grave (instead of prayer), pour vodka on the grave, leave a glass of vodka - well, why all this? The deceased needs our prayer and alms for his soul, good deeds in his memory.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello! On March 23, my husband will be 40 days old, he is not baptized, I am reading a prayer at home, I received a blessing from the priest, but tell me, please, I can go to the cemetery on the 40th day, because it will be fasting? Since it will be Saturday and my children are not in kindergarten or school, when can they hand out candy (after or before the 40th day)? Thank you very much, sorry if I composed my letter a little incorrectly.

Veronica

Veronica, as you already know, the church does not pray for unbaptized people. Those who are not baptized are not members of the church. No one forbids you to pray for them at home, and of course, you can go to the cemetery whenever you want. It is not customary to go to the cemetery on Sundays, major church holidays and Easter. The most suitable day is Saturday. All parental memorials take place on Saturday. You can always give alms for the deceased, but most of all this must be done before 40 days.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Good afternoon, I would like to consult. On March 20 it will be a year since my father passed away. What is the correct date to hold a funeral dinner? March 20 falls in the first week of Lent. At the church I ordered mass for the 20th. Who says that you can’t do it on Forgiveness Sunday either. Who says it’s impossible later, only earlier. Please tell me. Thank you in advance.

Michael

Michael, the most important thing is not a funeral dinner, but our prayer for our close relatives. According to church regulations, there is no Liturgy (mass) on March 20th. You need to serve a memorial service and attend it yourself. Great (strict) Lent begins on March 18 and, of course, a funeral meal is not held on March 20. The funeral meal can be done on March 17, during Maslenitsa, there is nothing wrong with that. But we must remember that meat products are not allowed to be consumed during Shrovetide; all products except meat are allowed.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello! My grandmother died on February 28th, 9 days falls on March 8th. Our priest said that the memorial dinner could be held on March 9, since it would be a memorial Saturday. But this will already be 10 days from the date of death. Is it possible?

Vasilenko Larisa

Larisa, perhaps your father is right, but I would slightly clarify his advice: so that your conscience is not embarrassed, come to the service on March 8, pray for your grandmother at the litany, which will be celebrated at the end of the morning service, and submit a note of repose for the Saturday Liturgy . On Saturday it is also very advisable to be at the service, and after it you can have a memorial meal at home - on Saturday the fast is weakened, and besides, many people have a day off, which is convenient.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Father, bless! My husband and I are married, and we constantly attended services in our church. We lived for almost 15 years. But he went to another city to visit his mother (a dysfunctional family) on the anniversary of his brother’s death. The commemoration, which is natural for such a family, took place with drinking alcohol. Fell into fornication. He returned, but behaved like a zombie, could not stay at home for long, and flew out of the house as if spellbound. All the friends who saw him during this time said that he had become something different. I suspect that that woman bewitched him, his behavior was so unnatural. I also know that she herself uses drugs and has a particularly dysfunctional lifestyle. I am offended that he left me, but I also feel sorry for him that he will lead the same lifestyle with her, leading to hell, if he does not repent. Father, what should I do - film the wedding, or somehow pray for the salvation of his soul and the restoration of our marriage?

Faith

Hello Vera. This misfortune happened because both your wedding and your church life were mechanical, according to custom. It's supposed to get married - we got married. It was supposed to go to the holiday - we went. And they confessed and took communion. But at the same time there was no spiritual life. There was no effort required to enter the Kingdom of God. And therefore, the grace given in the Sacraments did not transform you at all. She remained infertile. And now you continue to look not inside but outside - “bewitched”, “bewitched”, all the reasons are somewhere outside. The passion of fornication is very evil and strong; whoever has given himself into its power, even if he repents and begins to strive against it, will have sorrows for many years. And if he does not repent, or repents but does not make any effort to fight it, he will perish. You can only pray. Moreover, first of all, pray for yourself: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.” Only one who cleanses his soul can help others in the same way.

Priest Alexander Beloslyudov

Hello, Abbot Nikon! I contacted you with a question about the death of my daughter and the melted icon pendant. You say that this is not a punishment, but why do young, kind, life-loving people die under the wheels of drunkards? What is this - fate, God's providence or human stupidity?

Olga

Olga, let’s better not grumble at God and not be angry with Him because here on earth something is incomprehensible and unfair in our opinion, but listen to ourselves and save ourselves - this is what the Lord Himself actually said to St. Anthony the Great, when he started asking such questions. We have a whole cartload of sins of our own, but we don’t have enough time to figure out what and why; we have limited time to correct ourselves. But when we reach Paradise, then we will understand everything.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello. When my mother’s funeral service was held, she had an icon in her hands. What should I do with it? Thank you.

Lyudmila

Lyudmila, an icon is the Holy Image of the Mother of God, and we should keep icons at home (make a red corner) and pray to the icons. The fact that the icon was in the hands of the deceased is nothing to worry about. An icon is a Shrine, and any Shrine is only good for a person.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello, I have a question, my grandmother died on September 2, 2012, and now, on March 2, 2013, it will be exactly six months since she has been gone, is it possible to hold a memorial service for six months, and is the deceased remembered when he is not with us for six months?

Diana

Diana, such a tradition does not exist in the Orthodox Church; these are some kind of “Soviet” innovations and fantasies. You can remember the deceased at least every day - both with memorial services and personal prayer - but there is no need to organize anything special for six months.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello, father. My niece died, she was 40 years old, but she was not baptized. Before his death, they invited the priest, he read prayers, said, let’s wait another half hour, he told the mother to read the Mother of God, while the mother was reading, the niece stopped breathing. This means that she remained unbaptized, how can we remember her now?

Valentina

Valentina, you can remember your niece at home prayer, give alms in memory of her soul and do other good deeds.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello, father! Uncle died on March 3 (Sunday), funeral on March 7. And they decided to organize a memorial 9 days on March 10 (Sunday). But it’s not 9 days yet or is that not prohibited? Can you tell me what funeral service to order? What else can I do? My uncle was a deeply religious man. Thank you.

Natalia

Hello, Natalia! The funeral meal can be moved to a day convenient for you. The main thing for the dead is our prayer. Order a magpie for repose, a memorial service and a Psalter for the deceased. And, of course, if the uncle was baptized, a funeral service in church is necessary.

Priest Vladimir Shlykov

My mother-in-law died two weeks ago, it’s her son’s birthday, can we sit at home in a very small circle and celebrate? Modestly, without music.

Tatiana

Tatyana, for the first forty days the soul goes through air ordeals (this is a test of the soul for the life it has lived), and the soul needs our help - we must pray for it both at home and, especially, in church. You need to pray every day until the fortieth day. And of course, there can be no talk of any birthdays. You can celebrate your birthday only after 40 days.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

My daughter died on July 15, 2012 in an accident. She was baptized. She was only a year and a month old. Sinless soul. Tell me, who is now protecting my daughter? Which Saint should I pray to? Thank you.

Irina

Irina, indeed, in the church it is customary to understand that baptized sinless babies who pass away immediately go to the Kingdom of Heaven, and they become Angels there and pray for their family. You didn't write your daughter's name. Every Christian has a name in honor of the Saint, which is given to him at baptism. Your daughter must have had a Saint after whom she was named. The Patron Saint is determined at the time of baptism and he is assigned based on which Saint's memory is celebrated on the nearest day after birth. Now I can’t tell you this, you had to find out from the priest during baptism, besides, I don’t know what your daughter’s name was. Pray to the Saint in whose honor your daughter was named.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Dear father, my dad died, his 40th birthday falls on March 22, what should I do? Maybe we need to reschedule for some other day? Please tell me. Thank you in advance.

Alyona

Alena, for the first forty days the soul especially needs our help, our prayer and the prayer of the church. The 40th day is the most important for the deceased; on this day they determine where to place the soul, in heaven or hell. It all depends on what kind of life a person led, and our prayer on this day is simply necessary. On March 22, it is imperative to serve a memorial service in the church and pray on this day yourself, submit a registered note for the Liturgy and attend the service yourself. No need to transfer. March 22 is the first week of Great (strict) Lent and no funeral services should be held on this day. The funeral itself can be postponed to March 24 and you need to remember that this is a strict fast, meat, dairy and fish products and alcohol cannot be placed on the table. The funeral must be strictly fast - this will bring great benefit to yourself, and especially to your late dad.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello, father! Tell me, what to do with the bed on which my mother died, and with the clothes in which she lay? Some advise burning it almost with the bed, others say wash it and use it. I would like to send disabled people to a home, but I don’t know what to do correctly so as not to harm myself and people.

Natalia

Natalia, after death, the soul of the deceased goes through ordeals and needs help, this is our prayer and the church’s prayer, almsgiving not only with money, but also with things, “alms delivers from death and covers a multitude of sins.” It’s best to wash and consecrate your mother’s things (you can sprinkle Holy water yourself at home) and distribute them to those in need, either use them yourself or throw them away - but I think there’s no need to burn them, that’s too much. Of course, underwear should not be given to anyone, it is indecent.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello, father! Grandmother's death anniversary (one year) falls on March 17, Sunday. Tell me, will it be possible to arrange a wake? Thank you very much.

Elena

Elena, of course, a wake can be held on this day, especially since it is the last day before Lent. First of all, you need to celebrate prayerfully in church, pray during the Liturgy for the deceased, and order a memorial service. A funeral meal can be served, but without meat products. At Maslenitsa, according to church regulations, you can no longer eat meat; you can eat any products except meat.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello dear father, my mother died on February 15 at 8.30 in the morning. Tell me, please, does the 40th day fall on Monday, March 25, or is it still on Tuesday, March 26? Is it possible to have a wake on Sunday, March 24?

Oksana

Oksana, the day of death is considered the first day from which 40 days are counted, which means the 40th day will be March 25. This is a great strict fast, which means the table must be strictly fast: without meat, dairy and fish products and without alcohol. The deceased needs prayer, and this is the main thing. On March 25, you must order a memorial service, a registered note of repose for the Liturgy, and pray at home yourself. It would be nice to go to the cemetery to visit the deceased on this day. The meal itself can be made on Sunday, March 24, but it will be Lenten.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello, dear priests. My mother died without having time to confess or receive communion. She went to church, gave notes and ordered various requests for others. However, I have never been to confession. I know for sure that I expressed a desire to confess and take communion, but because of the bustle and worries about the household, I never got around to doing it. I invited the priest to visit her in the intensive care unit, but he did not give her communion, since her mouth was already taped shut and there were tubes sticking out everywhere. The priest said that she would wake up, but this did not happen. My question is: is it possible to hope for the salvation of my mother’s soul if she did not take communion, but before her death she managed to reconcile with everyone, prayed, and devoted her whole life to caring for others?

Tatiana

Yes, Tatyana, you can hope for the salvation of your mother’s soul, just don’t leave her, please, and support her with prayer, submit notes for her at the Liturgy and order funeral services - litias and memorial services.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

“(...) and they say to the little swallows: “You fly, fly, swallow

little one, fly home, bring the news, and tell your father and mother so that
They didn’t cry for me, they didn’t bother me! I’ve outlived my time, I’ve already suffered,
and let them live out their time, and let them suffer theirs!” AND
A swallow is flying, its breast is white, it will fly home, sit on a tree,
she chirps, whistles, takes your heart, but what she says doesn’t
you mean her! And she says, don’t be sad, don’t grieve
in vain for your father and mother, who have outlived their time, and you live, but
You’ll live, and you’ll be with them!”

(Zacharikha's Tale about the Other World)

Since ancient times, the veneration of Ancestors has been one of the most important components of Slavic traditional culture - after all, not a single Tradition can exist without respect for the Ancestors. In the old days, they believed that the dead heard us and could interfere in the affairs of the living - therefore they brought demands and turned to them for help. Probably almost everyone has heard or read in childhood the fairy tale “Sivka-Burka” - where, if you remember, the main character goes to the grave of his deceased father for three nights, talks to him, brings him bread, and as a reward receives a magic horse. Famous ethnographer D.K. Zelenin provides the following information: “ The attitude of deceased ancestors towards living people is generally friendly; ancestors help their descendants in every possible way and support their household. True, sometimes deceased ancestors harm living people; but they do this, so to speak, for a pedagogical purpose: they punish in this way those of their descendants who have forgotten their duty to remember their deceased grandfathers and great-grandfathers; after this punishment has had its effect, after the punished descendants correct themselves and honor their ancestors with the usual memorial offerings, after that the deceased ancestors again begin to treat living people favorably» .
As can be seen from the above, the commemoration of Ancestors in the old days was taken very seriously. Funeral rites were an obligatory part of many calendar holidays; they were not prohibited at any other time... In this article we will tell you about the rituals of commemoration of the Ancestors, timed in folk tradition to coincide with spring holidays.

1. Maslenitsa
Even now, during the dominance of Western culture, Maslenitsa is not forgotten - a cheerful and riotous holiday of seeing off Winter and welcoming Spring. However, not many of our contemporaries know that memorial rites were also performed on Maslenitsa. Remember - pancakes, the main Maslenitsa dish, must be present at the wake. This is what the famous folklore researcher V.Ya. writes about the veneration of Ancestors on Maslenitsa. Propp: “In Tambov and other provinces, the first pancake baked during Cheese Week is placed on the dormer window for the souls of the parents.” In other places, the first pancake was given to the poor brethren - to remember the dead. “Pious women, sitting down at the table, eat the first pancake for the repose of the departed.” The veneration of ancestors at Maslenitsa is also known in other forms. On the last day of Maslenitsa week before the onset of Lent, it was the custom to go to each other to say goodbye, that is, to ask for forgiveness for all sins against your loved ones. The younger ones bowed at the feet of the elders, the servants - the masters, and asked to forgive them for all their offenses against them. This custom was applied not only to the living, but even to the dead. “On the farewell day, they go to the cemetery, serve a memorial service and worship the ashes of their relatives.” We will present the testimony of S.V. Maksimov, which is a summary of the materials collected by him or transferred to him. “...The custom of saying goodbye to the dead is held extremely firmly... The custom of going to the cemetery on the last day of Maslenitsa is supported mainly by women. At four o'clock in the afternoon they, in groups of 10 - 12 people, go with pancakes to the dead and try not to say anything along the way. At the cemetery, each one finds her own grave, kneels down and bows three times, whispering with tears in her eyes: “Forgive me (name of the rivers), forget everything that I was rude to you and harmed you.” After praying, the women put pancakes on the grave (and sometimes put vodka) and go home as silently as they came.”» .

2. Radunitsa (Naviy Den)
The first Monday after Easter was popularly called Navy Day, and the first Tuesday was called Radunitsa. However, V.Ya. Propp notes that these deadlines were optional: “ The commemoration characteristic of Radunitsa could, for example, take place on Easter day. For Belarusians, Radunitsa fell on Thursday of Easter week". Apparently, Radunitsa and Navii Day are just different names for the same holiday.
The word “navi” means “related to the dead”: in the Ukrainian language “nava” - “coffin”, in Czech - “grave”, in the ancient Czech “unaviti” - “to kill”. The name "Radunitsa", according to most linguists, is associated with the root "rad" and, therefore, with the words "joy" and "rejoice".
During these days " The whole village came out to the cemetery to see the graves of their loved ones. The women wailed at the graves. Lamentations included memories of the deceased, as was the case with mourning after death. They “cryed out to their souls with weeping and sobbing, chanting their virtues.” Food and drink were brought to the graves. Mention is made of kutia, pies, rolls, pancakes, cheesecakes, colored eggs, wine, beer, kanun (a type of mash), etc. Food was shared with the dead: eggs, pancakes and other treats were crumbled on the graves and left there. Oil, wine, beer were poured on the graves; all this was done "dead for food." They shared Christ with the dead, believing that they heard them. Eggs were rolled around the grave. After this, they helped themselves to food and drink, and sadness turned into fun, which could end in revelry.» .
To many of our contemporaries, the custom of not only grieving, but also having fun at funerals will seem strange - but our Ancestors lived in harmony with the World, and therefore perceived death differently. It was not the end of existence for them, but simply transition to the Other World. People believed that the dead celebrated the Spring Festival together with the living - as A.N. writes. Afanasyev, " throughout Bright Week, the souls of the departed constantly circulate among the living, visit their relatives and friends, drink, eat and rejoice with them» .

3. Mermaid week
In the folk tradition, the week preceding or following Trinity was called mermaid, or the week before Kupala. At this time, water spirits - mermaids - were honored in Rus' and the dead were remembered. According to Sakharov, at the graves of their parents, old people with their entire family celebrated Semik (Thursday of Rusal Week), having a ritual meal there.
The Stoglav says: “On Trinity Saturday, husbands and wives gather in villages and churchyards to mourn and mourn their graves with great lamentation. And when the buffoons and buzzers and buzzers begin to play, they, from crying, will begin to jump and dance and beat in the valley and sing satanic songs; on the same pity liars and swindlers". As this quote shows, the Christian church did not understand the fun of funeral rites.
In Semik, it is customary to remember the “hostage” dead - in the folk tradition, this is the name given to people who died a “not their own death”, before their time: murdered, suicides, those who died in an accident, those who passed away at a young age, as well as those cursed by their parents and those who communicated with evil spirits. “Hostages” are considered inclined to harm people, including causing various types of natural disasters (frost, drought, etc.).
As noted by D.K. Zelenin, " In those rare cases when the hostage deceased turns out to be at the same time an ancestor, his descendants consider it necessary, on memorial days, to honor him with the usual memorial dinner, along with other ancestors. But in this case the food for the hostage is not placed on the table, where food for ordinary ancestors is placed, but under the table, and, moreover, only some, a few foods. (...) And in this folk ritual the abyss that separates the mortgaged dead from their deceased ancestors was so clearly reflected» .

This concludes our story about spring memorial rites in Russian Tradition. We hope that our modest work will not leave you indifferent. And remember - as long as Tradition is alive, the Russian people are alive!

Vlaskin E.A.

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

1. Afanasyev A.N. Poetic views of the Slavs on nature. Volume III.

• What to do when a loved one dies?


• Is it possible to have a funeral service at home?


• Why do they cover mirrors in the house?


• What prayers should I read for repose?


• How to properly organize a funeral?


• When can you go to the cemetery?


• How to pray for the dead?


• What to do on Parents' Saturdays and what notes to submit?

WITH death of loved ones... Everyone faces it sooner or later. The hour comes when a loved one has completed his earthly journey, and his soul ascends to its Creator. In a state of grief and sadness, people sometimes get lost and don’t know how to do everything right. Unfortunately, quite often relatives limit themselves only to holding wakes on memorable days and sending church notes about the repose. But this alone is not enough. What is our duty to the departed, how can we help our loved ones who are no longer around? We have collected the most important advice from experienced priests and recommendations from the site http://www.memoriam.ru

How to see off an Orthodox Christian on his final journey

• If a person has been given a fatal diagnosis and loved ones already know about his inevitable death, it is necessary to remember that the best preparation for the transition to another world for any Christian is Confession and Communion. Since you cannot give communion to people who are unconscious (and the patient’s condition may worsen suddenly), you need to invite a priest in advance.


• A dying person, if he is conscious, can be given antidor and holy water. At this moment, the prayers of loved ones are especially important.


• If the approach of death becomes obvious, a special reading is read. "Canon for the separation of the soul from the body."


• After a person has rested (passed on to the Lord in another world), you immediately need to start reading “Following the departure of the soul from the body”(if it is not possible to invite a priest, then relatives or friends can read).


• After this, it is necessary to read the Psalter (preferably before removing the body continuously and, if possible, daily until the 40th day). It is better to read to loved ones, taking turns, since thanks to this prayer they themselves receive peace and consolation from the Lord. You can also order the reading of the Psalter in a temple or monastery. If it is impossible to ensure continuous reading of the Psalter, it is advisable to read it at least several psalms a day. It's better than nothing.


• Follows "At the end of the soul", "At the end of the soul" and the Psalter does not have to be read directly near the dying person. If a person dies in a hospital, you can pray at home. The main thing is to help your loved one with prayer in these difficult moments for his soul.


• If a person rests on Bright Week (from the day of Holy Pascha to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then instead of the canon “After the departure of the soul,” the Paschal canon is read, and instead of the Psalter, the Acts of the Holy Apostles.


• The coffin is usually laid facing east. You can stick to this tradition.


• The deceased must wear a cross.


• Clothes for burial are chosen according to the worldly status of the deceased. Military personnel, firefighters, and police officers usually go to the coffin in uniform, while laypeople wear any clothing at the discretion of relatives or according to the will of the newly deceased. A shroud or church veil is traditionally used to cover the body.


• Hands folded on the chest, right on top of left. A funeral cross is usually placed on the left, and a holy icon is placed on the chest (for men - the image of the Savior, for women - the image of the Mother of God).


• In church shops you can purchase a burial kit. It usually includes: funeral clothing, a chaplet, a prayer of permission, a cross, a candle and an icon. The corolla is a strip of paper with the image of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Mother of God and John the Baptist with a prayer "Trisagion" The crown symbolizes the faith of the deceased and his Christian life with trust in God and our prayerful hope that after the resurrection the deceased will receive a heavenly reward - an incorruptible crown from the Lord and bliss in the heavenly abodes. After the funeral service, the priest places the prayer of permission, along with the cross, into the hand of the deceased.


• You can prepare a burial kit in advance. Some Christians do this during their lifetime, remembering their death, which attunes the soul to an attentive and pious spiritual life.

Superstitions

• There is no need to cover mirrors, computers, televisions at home with fabric, put a glass of vodka, etc. - all these are superstitions of pagan origin that have nothing to do with Orthodoxy.


• The custom of cleaning the house after removing the body also does not need to be turned into a special ritual. The opinion that everything must be washed before the body is buried and that cleaning should be done by persons who are not related by blood to the deceased is also a superstition.


• The custom of leaving a glass of vodka, bread and other food in a cemetery is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by Orthodox Christians.


• In Soviet times, the custom was established to visit the cemetery on the first day of Easter, but this is not true. With God, everyone is alive, and Easter is a special time of all-encompassing joy for believers, therefore, during the entire Easter week, funeral prayers are not said. Traditionally, people go to the cemetery on Radonitsa (from the word “joy”) - this is the ninth day after Easter, when the first memorial service is celebrated after Easter week. We pray for our departed loved ones with hope in God’s mercy and rejoice in the Bright Resurrection of Christ.

Funeral

• According to the Charter, the funeral service is performed only in the church. Only if there is no church nearby is it possible to perform a funeral service in absentia or at home.


• During the funeral service according to the ancient rite of Christian burial, the priest blesses a handful of earth (sand) and sprinkles the coffin in a cross pattern. During the funeral service in absentia, the priest gives this sand to relatives. They also need to be sprinkled crosswise on the body of the deceased, and if the burial has already been completed, then sprinkled on the grave. The opinion that you should not bring sand home is also a superstition.


• Christians should accompany a loved one on their final journey in quiet prayer; deliberate mourning, loud sobs and screams are completely inappropriate.


• There is no need to invite an orchestra for a funeral: funeral music is depressing and interferes with prayer. During the transfer of the coffin to the church for the funeral service and from the church to the cemetery, it is usually sung "Trisagion"


• Monuments erected on the graves of deceased Christians are completely acceptable. Traditionally, crosses are placed on the graves of Orthodox Christians and flowers are brought.


• The inscriptions on monuments and wreaths should express not inconsolable grief and despair, but love and our faith. It is better to choose the words of the inscriptions from the Holy Scriptures and consult with the priest.

Funeral meals (wake)

• Funeral services on the day of the funeral (as well as on other established days) must be organized according to the Church Charter. Regarding the reasonable relaxation of fasting, you need to seek a blessing from a priest.


• “Commemoration” of the dead with any alcohol is absolutely unacceptable and is not a church tradition.


• According to the Charter, commemorations are not held on Sundays, twelve holidays and weekdays of Great Lent. During Great Lent, they are moved to the next Saturday before this day. But in practice there are exceptions, so it is better to consult with the priest personally.


• The custom of remembering the deceased should not turn into a simple reason for relatives to get together, discuss news and eat delicious food. A funeral meal is a type of alms that a family provides not only to relatives and friends, but also to others in need with a request for prayer for the deceased. Because prayer and almsgiving are the main reason for arranging funeral meals.


• Before a meal, you should definitely perform a lithium. To do this, you can invite a priest and ask him to preach a sermon for those present. If this is not possible, this rite can be performed by a clergyman or a layman.


• The first dish that is usually eaten at a wake is kutia (kolivo). These are boiled cereal grains (wheat or rice) with honey and raisins. Grains serve as a symbol of resurrection, and honey - the sweetness and bliss that the righteous enjoy in the Kingdom of God. According to the Charter, the kutia must be blessed by the priest during the funeral service; if this is not possible, you need to sprinkle it with holy water.


• Instead of the meaningless atheistic phrase: “May he rest in peace,” you need to briefly pray: “Rest, O Lord, the soul of Your newly departed servant [name], and forgive him (her) all his (her) sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant the Kingdom of Heaven.”


• You cannot have idle conversations at the table, but you need to honor the memory of the deceased (hence the name - commemoration), because we remember him in prayers, remember his good deeds and good qualities.


• It is better to invite those in need first to the funeral table - the poor and wretched, children and old people. After all, one should initially strive to do alms in memory of the deceased, and not to please friends and relatives with a good feast.

By and large, a deceased person does not need a coffin, a grave monument, much less a memorial table - all this is just a tribute to traditions, albeit very pious ones. These traditions are an external symbol of our prayer and without it they have no meaning. The soul of the deceased experiences a great need for our constant prayer, because it itself can no longer do good deeds and pray for itself. The greatest and most important thing we can do for the departed is to pray and do good deeds in honor of their blessed memory. This will be our main and invaluable help to loved ones who have passed on to another world.

Days of special remembrance of the dead

E There are special days of remembrance when special prayers are made for the deceased, which are consistent with the teachings of the Church about the state of the soul beyond the grave. These are the third, ninth and fortieth after death (in this case, the day of death is considered the first).

• The third day. The commemoration is performed in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. According to Church Tradition, for the first two days the soul of the deceased is still on earth, passing along with the angel accompanying it through the places of earthly memories. On the third day, the Lord commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him.


• Ninth day. The commemoration is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as messengers of God and representatives to Him for us, petition for pardon for the newly deceased. Accompanied by an angel, the soul enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their indescribable beauty. She remains in this state for six days. During this time the soul forgets all sorrow. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the angels to again present the soul to Him for worship.


• Fortieth day. The forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary to accept the special Divine gift of God’s gracious help. Prophet Moses received the tablets from the Lord after fasting for forty days. The Israelites reached the Promised Land after a forty-year journey. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. After the second worship of the Lord, the angels take the soul to hell, and it contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day, the soul ascends for the third time to worship God, and then its fate is decided - according to earthly affairs, it is assigned a place to stay until the Last Judgment.


• Anniversary. The reason for special commemoration of the dead on the anniversary of death is that the largest liturgical cycle is the annual circle. For the believer, this is a birthday memory for new, eternal life.

Ecumenical memorial services (Parents' Saturdays)

C The Church has established special days for the solemn general remembrance of the dead, which brings great help to our deceased loved ones. At the same time, memorial services are called Ecumenical, and the days on which commemoration is performed are called Ecumenical Parental Saturdays.

• Meat Saturday. This is the Saturday of Maslenitsa week before Forgiveness Sunday. Dedicating this week to the remembrance of the Last Judgment, the Church established prayerful intercession not only for living, but also for dead Christians.


• Saturday Trinity. The commemoration was established on the Saturday before Pentecost due to the fact that the event of the Descent of the Holy Spirit completed the dispensation of human salvation, and both the living and the deceased participate in this salvation.


• Parents' Saturdays 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. On weekdays during Great Lent, funeral commemorations are not performed, since the full liturgy is not served at this time. Therefore, during the days of Great Lent, special Saturdays are set aside to commemorate the deceased.


• Radonitsa. The commemoration takes place on the Tuesday after St. Thomas Week and serves as a remembrance of the descent of Jesus Christ into hell and His victory over death. Also on this day, the Church Charter allows for the first time after Easter to perform the usual commemoration of the dead. On this day, believers come to the graves of their relatives and friends with the joyful news of the Resurrection of Christ. This is where the name of this day came from - Radonitsa.

Church funeral services

• Funeral service- this is a prayer service for the soul of the newly deceased, performed once over the deceased. It can be done in absentia when it is not possible to bring the body of the deceased to the temple.


• Divine Liturgy- a service at which the main prayer for the repose of Orthodox Christians is performed.


• Memorial service- a prayer for the deceased, which is served after the liturgy - before the Holy Crucifixion.


• Sorokoust- This is the commemoration of the deceased during the liturgy for forty days. There are also longer periods - six months, a year. Some monasteries accept notes for eternal remembrance. Of course, it is better when more people pray for your loved one, so notes can be submitted an unlimited number of times in different monasteries and churches.


• There are also funeral litany, vespers and matins (parastas).

As for prayer for those who committed suicide, there is a rite of prayerful consolation to the relatives of those who have died without permission. In addition to performing the proposed rite, relatives and friends can take upon themselves, with the blessing of the priest, the private reading of the prayer of St. Leo of Optina. Most of all, such dead people are helped by the distribution of alms for them and the pious life of their relatives and friends.

Church notes

• Before the start of the liturgy (or the night before), notes with the names of the deceased should be submitted to the church (only baptized Orthodox Christians can be entered). At the proskomedia, particles are taken out of the prosphoras for their repose, which at the end of the liturgy are lowered into the Chalice with the Holy Gifts.


• A cross is depicted at the top of the note, the type of commemoration is indicated below - "On Repose", then the names of those commemorated are written in the genitive case. The first to be mentioned are clergy and monastics, indicating their rank (for example, On the repose of: Patriarch Alexy, Metropolitan Proclus, Schema-Abbot Savva, Archpriest Alexy, nun Vera, John, Taisia, Alexander). All names must be in church spelling (for example: not Sveta, but Photinia).


• By submitting notes, we make a donation for charitable assistance to the temple and those in need.


• Don't worry if you don't hear your relatives' names mentioned during the service. The main commemoration takes place in the altar.

Adviсe

• On parental Saturdays, it is customary to visit churches and graves of deceased relatives, serve memorial services and funeral lithiums in churches and cemeteries, and arrange memorial meals. Meanwhile, the Church strongly advises not to forget about memorable dates: the birthday of the deceased, the dates of his death and name day. These days it is necessary to remember him especially.


• There is a pious custom of receiving communion on the days of remembrance of relatives and friends. The prayer of a person who has cleansed his soul through repentance and approached the Holy Mysteries of Christ is especially pleasing to the Lord.


• The simplest type of mercy is candles that are lit for repose. But on the memorable days of the deceased, it is very useful to make donations, give alms to those in need with a request to pray for their deceased relative. On eve(a table next to a crucifix and a rectangular candlestick) you can bring food - this is also our alms in memory of deceased relatives.


• We receive relief from the soul through the infinite goodness of God and our holy prayers, so we should not be embarrassed to ask the priests and, of course, constantly pray for our departed ones. The ever-living soul experiences a great need for constant prayer. Prayer is the most important and invaluable help that we can provide to those who have passed into another world.

Commemoration at home prayer

• Home (cell) prayer for neighbors is the duty of any Christian. The Church commands us to pray daily for the repose of our loved ones. Therefore, the text of the morning rule includes a prayer: “Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names) and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.”


• One should pray especially diligently for the deceased in the first forty days after his death. During this period, it is necessary to read the Psalter about the deceased, at least one kathisma per day. You can also read the funeral canon.


• It is more convenient to read names from a commemoration book - a special book where the names of loved ones are written down for church and cell (home) commemoration. There is a pious custom of holding family synodics, by reading which Orthodox people remember many generations of their ancestors.

Prayer for the departed

Rest, O Lord, the souls of your departed servants (names) and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven. Grant, Lord, remission of sins to all who have previously departed in the faith and hope of resurrection, our fathers, brothers and sisters, and create for them eternal memory.

Eternal truths

A St. Paul urges us not to indulge in intense grief: “I do not want you, brothers, to be ignorant about the dead, so that you do not grieve like others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, then God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.”

1 Thess. 4:13-14

IN The greatest benefit to the deceased comes from prayers performed for them at the liturgy and alms given out, for nothing loaned to God will perish, everything is returned in great abundance.

Venerable John of Damascus

M We are afraid of death because we live in negligence and do not have a clear conscience. So let’s begin to better fear sin, for what is terrible in death is all from sin.

Saint John Chrysostom

WITH try to live in such a way that in your hour of death you will rejoice rather than be afraid. We are born to die and die to live. Love death as a friend who leads us to God.

Venerable Neil of Sinai

IN All people die, but not all die the same death. Righteous and sinful people die differently. A bad life has a bad ending. The righteous person is never as close to his happiness as at death. What he wished for during his life is fulfilled for him at the hour of death. Live holy to die holy.

Saint Innocent, Archbishop of Kherson and Tauride

L love spiritually unites those who are separated by place and time... We should not so much cry for the dead as pray so that when they are in a blessed life, they too will pray for us.

Filaret, Archbishop of Chernigov

TO Just as one who has fallen asleep in the evening awakens in the morning with renewed strength of life, so one who has fallen asleep through bodily death will awaken into a new, immortal life on the day of general resurrection.

Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow

Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh consoled the relatives of the deceased with these words:

"P It is not Christian to grieve over the dead. Dejection and sadness disrupt everything. Despondency is the lot of those who do not know God and do not believe in Him. We must pray to the Lord that He will grant salvation and the Kingdom of Heaven to the departed! We think of death as a separation, but we forget that death is at the same time a meeting of the soul with God, an entry into that fullness of life that is not available to anyone on earth. That is why, through tears, we can rejoice for the deceased. His time of struggle and suffering, quest and sorrow has ended, and now he is in a different world, where eternal love reigns! And we mysteriously contemplate the majestic meeting of God and man... The moment when a person’s earthly journey ends and he comes to his true home, where he is endlessly loved and waited for.”

The Orthodox tradition pays great attention to the memory of the deceased. Dead Christians are remembered in churches several times a year on Saturdays. But there is a special, parental Saturday, when funeral services are held in the church, paying attention specifically to deceased relatives, and people hold wakes and visit cemeteries. Due to the many years of negative attitude of the Soviet government towards religion, when traditions and rituals were banned and some customs were forgotten, now many are at a loss as to how to spend parental Saturday.

In particular, people are concerned about what they should and shouldn’t do on this day, what they should take with them to the cemetery and to church. Our ancestors tried to spend parental Saturday with dignity, filled with events as much as possible, since, according to tradition, it was necessary to have time to complete a lot of tasks and rituals. Let’s take a closer look at how to properly remember the dead on Parents’ Saturday, and how it differs from other days.

In the Orthodox calendar there are several commemoration dates per year. But the most revered among the people are those that precede major religious holidays, such as Trinity, Maslenitsa, and Intercession. Despite the name “parental”, this does not mean that this Saturday is intended to commemorate exclusively one’s deceased fathers and mothers. This name, rather, comes from the root “clan”, since traditionally people remember their closest relatives first, but then all their deceased acquaintances.

The following key memorial days are highlighted:

• Meat Saturday;
• Radonitsa;
• Trinity;
• Dimitrovskaya.

On the eve of the celebration of Maslenitsa week, before Lent, in all Orthodox churches there is an ecumenical, or great parental Saturday - the day of remembrance of ancestors. This parent is also called Myasopustnaya. This name is due to the fact that this Saturday falls before the meat day - the last day of the year before Lent, when believers can afford to eat meat.

There is also a separate date that comes not before, but after a major Christian holiday. This is the parent, also called Radonitsa. It is celebrated on the ninth day after Easter Sunday, and it always falls on Tuesday, but according to popular tradition, people want to go to the cemetery on Saturday. As a rule, this day is celebrated in April, unless Easter is late (then Radonitsa falls in May). The specific number of Radonitsa can be found out on the calendar, since it is directly tied to Easter, which, as you know, happens on different dates every year.

The next major Saturday is celebrated on the eve of the celebration of Trinity. This parental memorial day differs from others in that traditionally people used a large amount of greenery and flowers in ritual actions. People also attach great importance to Dmitrievskaya Parents' Saturday, which is celebrated in early November. This is the last special Saturday of the year, and therefore the people prepared for it especially carefully.

Dmitrievsky parent memorial day is also traditionally intended for special commemoration of the soldiers who fell for their homeland.

Important moments of Parents' Saturday

The key event of any parent's Saturday is going to church and then to the cemetery. The funeral Divine Liturgy is served in churches, in the churchyard priests perform requiem services over the graves, and people in the church and at home read special prayers for the repose of the souls of the dead. To spend Parenting Saturday correctly, you need to go to church a little earlier than the service. This is necessary in order to have time to submit a note of repose at the church. In this note, indicate the names given to the deceased relatives and friends at baptism (sometimes they do not coincide with the worldly names of the people).

In addition, on Parents' Saturday it is not customary to go to church empty-handed. According to a long-standing tradition, a special table for offerings is installed in the temple. For this purpose, it is customary to bring food, usually lean food, as well as red Cahors wine to the church, which is then used for the liturgy. Please note that other types of alcohol, such as vodka or cognac, cannot be brought as an offering to the house of God. It is interesting that previously there was a custom for the whole world to collect food and wine, and after the service, one large table was set in the courtyard of the temple, at which the parishioners then commemorated their deceased relatives. Nowadays this tradition can still be found in small towns or villages, but for the most part it has already disappeared from modern life. Nowadays, the products that were brought by parishioners on Parents' Saturday are used for the needs of the parish and to help the poor.

According to Orthodox church rules, the deceased should be properly remembered in this way. You need to come to church twice - first on the eve of parental Saturday and then in the morning on the memorial day. On Friday, go to the evening service, during which the Great Requiem and Parastas are celebrated. Then in the morning go to church again to attend the Divine Liturgy and general funeral service. According to the clergy, it is very important to pray for the dead, since only prayer can help them find peace. Few people foresaw their departure from life and managed to communicate with the priest who absolved them of their sins. Therefore, only living relatives can remove the burden of sins from them, who with their fervent prayers ask the Almighty for forgiveness for the deceased.

After the service on Parents' Saturday, it is customary to go straight to the cemetery. There you need to tidy up the grave and the area next to it, change the flowers on the grave. It is permissible to remember the dead at the cemetery by sipping a little alcohol and having a snack. But the official church is categorically against large feasts in the cemetery. The main memorial dinner on parents' Saturday should be held after returning home. There you can gather relatives and, at a set table, remember with a kind word your deceased relatives and close friends.

Don’t forget to give alms on the way to and from the cemetery and treat the beggars, who can often be found at the churchyard gates, with food. This gesture of mercy corresponds to one of the key dogmas of Orthodoxy - to help your neighbor.

Controversial issues

Many people are worried about whether it is permissible to do their usual household chores on parental Saturday - doing laundry or doing housework. The clergy have no prohibitions on this matter. Moreover, the special Sabbath initially implies that a person must definitely go to the cemetery in order to:

• clean up the area there;
• if necessary, adjust the cross;
• repair the fence;
• paint the tombstone.

Women need to set the funeral table, which is also a type of work. And we need to treat the beggars to the pie so that they will pray for the departed. therefore, you can safely do everything planned and not worry about prohibitions on physical labor on parent’s day. On the other hand, the priests point out at that moment that no work should be an obstacle to attending church on parental Saturday and the day before it and listening to the service.

There are also a number of questions regarding other worldly matters that fall on parental Saturday. In particular, there are situations when newlyweds set a wedding date without checking the church calendar, and as a result, their wedding falls on their parents' Saturday. When they find out about this, they begin to worry and fill their heads with unpleasant superstitions about this. Although the priests have a more loyal view on this issue than one might imagine. The clergy say that on Saturday weddings are not held in church, and you can sign at the registry office freely. Another thing is that it is not entirely convenient to have a wedding on the eve of major religious holidays, such as, for example, on Trinity Saturday. The first days of summer are considered the beginning of the time for weddings, and therefore many newlyweds find themselves in a double situation on Trinity Day. According to the priests, believers on this day should be absorbed in preparations for the celebration of Trinity - one of the largest religious holidays. This means that people need to go to the evening service the day before and confess. Therefore, a wedding on this parent’s Saturday may be unacceptable.

If the wedding date for Trinity Saturday has already been set, and it is not possible to change it, folk wisdom has in store several rituals that will help you come to terms with this. It was believed that on the morning before the celebration, the newlyweds should each visit the cemetery separately to place fresh flowers on the graves of their closest relatives. In the event that one of the parents of the newlyweds did not live to see this solemn day, it is important for the two of them to come to the grave to ask the deceased for a blessing for the marriage.

Ancient traditions of parental Saturdays

A huge layer of rituals associated with parental Saturdays has been preserved to this day. There are also many signs that people still pay attention to. For example, rain was expected on Radonitsa. A shower or light rain meant that a rich harvest would be harvested in the fall. People even tried to invite rain by looking at the clouds. If the heavens had mercy on their requests and the first drops fell, then everyone hurried to collect rainwater in their palms to wash themselves with it. This ritual was believed to bring happiness and good luck. And young girls and women used rainwater in even more intricate ways. They collected it in a container intended for this purpose and then put gold or silver rings into the water - whoever had what wealth. Our ancestors believed that this ritual kept girls youthful and pretty.

Even more unusual traditions have been preserved on Trinity Parents' Saturday. Our ancestors were sure that on Parental Saturday their deceased relatives could temporarily go out into the world of the living to communicate with their loved ones. It was believed that on the eve of Trinity, their spirits were hidden in the greenery - flowers, bushes, herbs and trees. Therefore, people rushed to visit the cemetery on this day to decorate the graves of the deceased with fresh green herbs and bright flowers.

Like Radonitsa, Trinity Memorial Saturday in the old days was divided into three parts.

If everything is clear with the first two points, then what happened in the evening of the parent’s day? Elderly people stayed at home and spent the evening praying, but young people gathered for fun. It should be noted that parental Saturdays were not only days of remembrance of the dead, but also a kind of holiday praising life. On Trinity Parents' Saturday, young people gathered together near a reservoir. On the banks of lakes or rivers they lit large fires and had fun.

But Dmitrievskaya Saturday was famous for its feasts. If on the parental Saturday after Easter the funeral table should have been covered with Easter dishes, then in the fall the key dish on the parental memorial day was a variety of pies. According to tradition, preparations for this day began on Friday. On Friday evening, after finishing dinner, the housewives completely cleared the table and covered it with a fresh tablecloth. Then the table was set with new food. With this symbolic gesture, the souls of the deceased were invited to the table. After this, all family members had to wash thoroughly in the bathhouse. The last person to visit the steam room left water and a broom in a tub so that the deceased relatives could freshen up.

On Parents' Saturday, after the traditional visit to the church and cemetery, people began a large funeral meal. On this day, the housewives set a rich table. The main dishes were the favorite food of the deceased relatives. They also certainly put it on the table;

• pancakes;
• uzvar (compote made from dried fruits);
• kutya;
• jelly;
• roast;
• pies.

According to tradition, pies on this day had to be oblong. Also, another tradition associated with pies concerned people who had recently gotten married. Those who got married in October were required to prepare a special funeral cake and take it with them to the cemetery.

There was also a special ritual on this parental Saturday. A clean plate intended for the deceased was placed on the table with the funeral dinner. Each participant in the funeral meal put a spoonful of food from his plate on this dish. This plate was not removed at night. It was believed that the souls of the dead were treated to dinner at night.

Modern people partially continue to follow the traditions of their ancestors. A striking example is that at a funeral meal there is always an empty plate and a glass covered with a piece of bread. From the point of view of the clergy, this is nothing more than a relic of pagan traditions, since there is no such ritual in the Christian faith. But many priests are lenient towards such actions of members of their parish. But what, in their opinion, must be done on Parents’ Saturday is to attend church.

If a person cannot come to church due to illness or is on the road that day, then you just need to pray for the souls of the dead. Prayer is of key importance, and you can come to the cemetery to remove the grave of your deceased relatives on any other convenient day.

“We will try, as much as possible, to help the departed, instead of tears, instead of sobs, instead of magnificent tombs - with our prayers, alms and offerings for them, so that in this way both they and we will receive the promised benefits,” writes St. John Chrysostom.
Prayer for the departed is the greatest and most important thing we can do for those who have passed on to another world.
By and large, the deceased does not need either a coffin or a monument - all this is a tribute to traditions, albeit pious ones.

Bocharova Natalia. Prayer.

But the ever-living soul of the deceased experiences a great need for our constant prayer, because it itself cannot do good deeds with which it would be able to appease God.
That is why prayer at home for loved ones, prayer in the cemetery at the grave of the deceased is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.
Commemoration in the Church provides special assistance to the deceased.
Before visiting the cemetery, one of the relatives should come to the church at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is best if this is commemorated at a proskomedia, when a piece is taken out of a special prosphora for the deceased, and then in a sign of the washing away of his sins will be lowered into the Chalice with the Holy Gifts).
After the Liturgy, a memorial service must be celebrated.
The prayer will be more effective if the one commemorating on this day himself partakes of the Body and Blood of Christ.

Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie in the church, so that during the first forty days the newly deceased is commemorated daily. Particularly celebrated are the third and ninth days, when, according to the teachings of the Church, the soul appears before the heavenly Throne, and the fortieth, when the Lord pronounces a temporary sentence, determining where the soul will be until the Last Judgment. These days you need to pray fervently for the deceased, and after these days you need to submit notes for the Liturgy and memorial service more often. A memorial service is a funeral service that can be performed both before and after burial.

Alexander Smirnov. At the tomb of the saint

The dead cannot pray for themselves; they are waiting for our prayers. Most of all, the soul needs them in the first 40 days, while it is going through ordeals and a private trial is taking place. It is necessary to order a magpie in all possible churches - a commemoration for 40 days, serve it at a memorial service every day, commemorate it at the Psalter, give alms and ask to pray for this soul. Thus, by constantly remembering, with the help of the Church, you can pray your soul even from hell.

Shatrova N. BOOK OF GENESIS

The Church does not pray only for suicides.

The Church commemorates the deceased on the third day after his death in honor of the three-day resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Most Holy Trinity.

On the ninth day - in honor of the nine orders of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and representative to Him for us, petition for pardon for the deceased.

Commemoration on the fortieth day is performed in memory of the Ascension of Jesus Christ on the fortieth day after His Resurrection.

The anniversary of a Christian's death is a birthday for new, eternal life. It is always celebrated among the relatives and friends of the deceased.

The Church commemorates the deceased on the anniversary of their death. The basis for this establishment is obvious. It is known that the largest liturgical cycle is the annual circle, after which all the fixed holidays are repeated again.

According to church tradition, for forty days after death the soul of the deceased prepares for God's judgment. From the first to the third day she stays in the places of the earthly life of the deceased, from the third to the ninth she is shown the heavenly abodes, from the ninth to the fortieth - the torment of sinners in hell. On the fortieth day, God's decision is made where the soul of the deceased will be until the Last Judgment.

You should know that on the days of remembrance of the dead, you must first of all visit the temple, order a funeral commemoration, say a prayer to God for the repose of a person close to you, if possible, visit the cemetery and only then sit down at the funeral table.

An Old Woman Praying, circa 1655, by Nicolaes Maes (1634-1693)

The custom of remembering the dead is already found in the Old Testament Church. The Apostolic Constitutions mention the commemoration of the dead with particular clarity. In them we find both prayers for the departed during the celebration of the Eucharist, and an indication of the days on which it is especially necessary to remember the departed: the third, ninth, fortieth, annual.

Thus, the commemoration of the dead is an apostolic institution, it is observed throughout the Church, and the liturgy for the dead, the offering of the Bloodless Sacrifice for their salvation, is the most powerful and effective means of asking the departed for the mercy of God.
Church commemoration is performed only for those who were baptized in the Orthodox faith.
Memorial services for suicides, as well as for those not baptized in the Orthodox faith, are not performed. Moreover, these persons cannot be commemorated at the liturgy.
The Holy Church offers unceasing prayers for our departed fathers and brothers at every divine service and especially at the liturgy.

ANTONELLO da Messina.Virgin of the Annunciation

But besides this, the Holy Church creates at certain times a special commemoration of all fathers and brothers in faith who have passed away from time immemorial, who have been worthy of Christian death, as well as those who, having been caught by sudden death, were not guided into the afterlife by the prayers of the Church. The memorial services performed at this time are called ecumenical. On Meat Saturday, before Cheese Week, on the eve of the remembrance of the Last Judgment, we pray to the Lord that He will show His mercy to all the departed on the day when the Last Judgment comes.

On this Saturday, the Orthodox Church prays for all those who have died in the Orthodox faith, whenever and wherever they lived on earth, whoever they were in terms of their social origin and position in earthly life. Prayers are offered for people “from Adam to this day who have fallen asleep in piety and right faith.”

Carl Kronberger.A Portrait Of A Woman With A Book Of Prayer.

Three Saturdays of Great Lent - Saturdays of the second, third, fourth weeks of Great Lent - were established because during the presanctified liturgy there is no such commemoration as is performed at any other time of the year. In order not to deprive the dead of the saving intercession of the Church, these parental Saturdays were established. During Great Lent, the Church intercedes for the departed, so that the Lord forgives their sins and resurrects them into eternal life.

On Radonitsa - Tuesday of the second week of Easter - the joy of the Resurrection of the Lord is shared with the departed, in the hope of the resurrection of our departed. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought from there the souls of the Old Testament righteous. Because of this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called “Rainbow” or “Radonitsa”.

Trinity Parental Saturday - on this day the Holy Church calls us to commemorate the dead, so that the saving grace of the Holy Spirit cleanses the sins of the souls of all our forefathers, fathers and brothers who have departed from time immemorial and, interceding for the gathering of all into the Kingdom of Christ, praying for the redemption of the living, for the return captivity of their souls, asks “to rest the souls of those who departed first in a place of cooling, for it is not in the dead that they will praise You, Lord, those who exist below in hell dare to bring you confessions: but we, the living, bless You and pray, and we bring cleansing prayers and sacrifices to You for the souls ours."

Zhukov Fedor Ivanovich. Prayer.

Dimitrievskaya Parental Saturday - on this day, commemoration is made of all Orthodox slain soldiers. It was established by the holy noble prince Demetrius Donskoy at the inspiration and blessing of St. Sergius of Radonezh in 1380, when he won a glorious, famous victory over the Tatars on the Kulikovo Field. The commemoration takes place on the Saturday before Demetrius Day (October 26, old style). Subsequently, on this Saturday, Orthodox Christians began to commemorate not only the soldiers who laid down their lives on the battlefield for their faith and fatherland, but along with them, for all Orthodox Christians.
The commemoration of deceased soldiers is performed by the Orthodox Church on April 26 (May 9, new style), on the holiday of victory over Nazi Germany, as well as on August 29, on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist.
It is imperative to remember the deceased on the day of his death, birth and name day. Days of remembrance must be spent decorously, reverently, in prayer, doing good to the poor and loved ones, in thinking about our death and future life.
The rules for submitting notes “On repose” are the same as notes “On health”.

“At litanies, the newly departed or significant builders of the monastery are remembered more, and then no more than one or two names. But the proskomedia is the most important commemoration, for the parts taken out for the departed are immersed in the blood of Christ and sins are cleansed by this great sacrifice; and when there is a memory of one of the relatives , then you can submit a note and remember the litanies,” wrote the Monk Macarius of Optina in one of his letters.

Praying old man. Rembrandt, Harmens van Rijn

DAYS OF SPECIAL REMEMBRANCE OF THE DEAD

Meat Saturday - (Saturday during Maslenitsa week)

2nd Saturday of Lent – ​​(two weeks after the Meat Fast)

3rd Saturday of Lent (one week after the 2nd)

Saturday 4th of Lent – ​​(in a week)

Radonitsa – (on the 9th day after Easter on Tuesday)

Saturday Trinity

Saturday Dimitrievskaya

Commemoration of deceased soldiers - May 9, September 11.
Gospel read at the funeral liturgy on Parents' Saturday
(John, 5, 24-30)

ANTONELLO da Messina.Virgin Annunciate

24 Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.
25 Truly, truly, I say to you, the time is coming, and has already come, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and having heard it, they will live.
26 For just as the Father has life in Himself, so He gave also to the Son to have life in Himself.
27 And he gave Him authority to execute judgment, because He is the Son of Man.
28 Marvel not at this; for the time is coming in which all who are in the tombs will hear the voice of the Son of God;
29 And those who have done good will come forth into the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil into the resurrection of condemnation.
30 I can do nothing of Myself. || As I hear, I judge, and My judgment is righteous; For I do not seek My will, but the will of the Father who sent Me.

Morgachev Vyacheslav Georgievich. Prayer.

ABOUT REMEMBRANCE OF THE DECEASED

No one is too lazy to remember their parents; but all Orthodox Christians must be remembered, and not just on this day, but at every time, at every prayer. We ourselves will be there, and we will be forced into this prayer, like a poor person in need of a piece of bread and a cup of water. Remember that prayer for the departed is also strong in its community - in that it comes on behalf of the entire Church. The Church breathes prayer. But just as in the natural order, during pregnancy, the mother breathes, and the power of breathing passes on to the child, so in the order of grace, the Church breathes with the common prayer of all, and the power of prayer passes on to the deceased, contained in the bosom of the Church, which is composed of the living and the dead, warring and triumphant. Do not be too lazy at every prayer to diligently remember all our fathers and brothers who have departed. This will be alms from you. . .

Feofan the Recluse

PRAYER FOR THE DECEASED

God of spirits and all flesh, having trampled down death and abolished the devil, and given life to Thy world; Himself, Lord, rest the soul of Your departed servant (Your departed servant or Your departed servant), [name of the rivers], in a brighter place, in a greener place, in a calm place, from where sickness, sorrow and sighing have escaped. Every sin committed by him (her or them), in word, or deed, or thought, as God is good and a lover of mankind, forgive him. For there is no man who will live and not sin. For You are the only one without sin, Your righteousness is righteousness forever, and Your word is truth.

John Philip. Prayer.

A wake is a funeral custom found among most nations.

Event description

A treat is arranged in memory of the deceased, after his funeral and on memorial days (in the Orthodox tradition - 9 days, 40 days and every other year). At the funeral, sacrifices were placed on the grave, some of which were used for the ceremonial meal.

The wake also includes funeral processions, mourning, and at the graves of men - competitions, war games (funeral funeral among the ancient Greeks, Germans, and Slavs).

Sidney Harold Meteyard.Elsies Prayer 1910

Funerals in Orthodoxy

According to Christian tradition, funeral services for the deceased are held three times. The first wake is on the day of the funeral. Second commemoration on day 9. And the third commemoration on the fortieth day (40 days).

The tradition of holding funerals goes back to the distant past. Similar customs are observed in other religions of various peoples, which is associated with human belief in the immortality of the soul. In the Christian tradition, the custom of funerals mainly comes down to a funeral meal. But a wake is not just food, it is a special ritual, the purpose of which is to remember a person, pay tribute to him, and remember his good deeds.

Azovskov Timofey. "Mother's Prayer"

During the funeral meal, Orthodox Christians pray for the reassurance of the soul of the deceased. Every action during a wake is filled with sacred meaning, which is why the menu for such a meal is unusual.

Before sitting down at the table, the prayer “Our Father” is read or a lithium is performed. Throughout the feast, the deceased is remembered. The conversation at the table must be pious; laughter, foul language, funny songs, memories of the unrighteous deeds of the deceased person and other conversations that are indecent at such an event are not allowed.

The first dish on the funeral table is kutia (kolivo) - porridge made from whole grains of rice or wheat, seasoned with honey and raisins and symbolizing eternal life. Kutya should be blessed during the funeral service. Everyone present should at least try this dish.

The food on the table should be simple, without any special frills, since the latter interfere with the funeral process.

Morgunova Neringa. Prayer.

If the day of the funeral falls on a weekday during Lent, the funeral is moved to Saturday or Sunday. At funerals, men should be bareheaded, and women, on the contrary, should wear hats.

Everyone who was at the cemetery can be invited to the funeral on the day of farewell to the deceased, since the memorial meal is held immediately after the funeral. On the ninth day, it is customary to invite only close friends and relatives of the deceased; on the fortieth day, everyone who wants to remember the deceased comes.